Winter Preparation - Having Fun

How long is it since you did something just for the fun of it? 

Having fun helps us ward off anxiety and depression.  My research on this subject tells me many of us habitually hold ourselves back from having fun, for a variety of reasons.  Can you identify with any of these?

‘I just don’t think about it, it’s not part of my routine.’

‘I would be afraid of feeling embarrassed.’

‘I’m not allowed to have fun; there is too much work to do and not enough time.’

‘My colleagues, partner, parent would not approve of me doing something just for the fun of it.’

‘I would feel self-indulgent and guilty.’

Well I certainly can identify with some of these,  I have bookshelves of creative hobby books that I’ve never read,  I have drawers full of beads and bric-a-brac waiting to become something, I have palettes, easels , empty canvasses and boxes of oil and water paints going dry.  I have sketch books and charcoals and pencils unused.  And I have made no time for fun.

Mid-winter can be a particularly depressing time.   This must be the right time to plan some space for fun.  Our need for self-improvement is part of human nature.  Having fun is another human need that many of us neglect.

The National Institute for Play http://www.nifplay.org explains why play is so important to our personal health and wellbeing:

‘Play is the gateway to vitality.

By its nature it is uniquely and intrinsically rewarding. It generates optimism, seeks out novelty, makes perseverance fun, leads to mastery, gives the immune system a bounce, fosters empathy and promotes a sense of belonging and community. Each of these play by-products are indices of personal health, and their shortage predicts impending health problems and personal fragility.

A life or a culture devoid of or deficient in play exists as a heightened major public health risk factor. The prevalence of depression, stress related diseases, interpersonal violence, the addictions, and other health and well-being problems can be linked, like a deficiency disease, to the prolonged deprivation of play.’

I realise that play cannot be forced and needs the element of spontaneity to benefit us so how can we make it happen?  If we don’t search out the space for it in our lives then we are left with just waiting for it to come along by chance.

Whilst I am immersed in the development of my seasonal coaching sessions I realise that I have fallen into the trap of not having any fun.  So I have now written down what constitutes ‘fun’ for me. 

Why don’t you give it a go and write down what activities would constitute having fun for you?  These can include; body play and movement, object play, social play, imaginative and pretend play, storytelling-Narrative play and transformative-integrative and creative play.  For ideas and a greater understanding of these types of play visit http://www.nifplay.org.

While the dark evenings persist, I shall now endeavour to practice what I preach and finally get out my paints and have some fun.  And I feel sure, if I let my imagination run riot, I can think of much more exciting things that I can have fun with!

For one to one Skype coaching sessions contact Susan on susan@susanloveday.com or visit www.susanloveday.com  for more information.

Where did that resolve go?

Come the end of January and most people who tried to give up their bad habits will by now have fallen right back into them, research says.  The most popular New Year’s resolutions are to stop smoking, drink less alcohol, eat healthily, exercise more and get into shape.

The problem with dramatic change is that it is much harder for most people to stick to than a more gradual change.  A sudden lifestyle shift is not a belief that we have built on and therefore we cannot sustain it for long. More thought, preparation and planning is needed to making lasting change if it is going to work.

So instead of feeling a failure at this time of the month, we could look to January as just the beginning of making actual real change.

Bad Habits

As Mark Twain said:  ‘Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window by man, but coaxed downstairs, a step at a time. ‘

Certainly this is the method that suits many of us including me.  My stopping smoking was a gradual affair, much the way I started.  When I did finally did stop I had to go through all four seasons at least once before I could go on a night out and not think about having a cigarette.  I struggled through winter days of hot coffee and no cigarette, lovely red wine casserole and no cigarette, celebrations, holidays, BBQ’s and many stressful events before I had proven to myself that I could do all of them,  throughout each season, without the need of a cigarette. Once I had the proof, the belief, I was never going back.

Our basic human motivation is to be the best person we can.  New Year helps us to reflect and identify areas of ourselves that we would like to improve and it is a good time to start working on being a better person.

What do we need?

Psychologist Abraham Maslow wrote a hierarchy of human needs which explains our higher and lower needs in the form of a pyramid.  Our lower needs the basic physiological needs of food, warmth, shelter and rest, which is what we naturally tend to focus on in these cold, dark winter months. 

I believe we are going against our natural rhythms by trying to drive ourselves through dramatic changes at the wrong time of year.  Why not let the seasons help us.

What do we want?

We could spend our winter as a time to reflect, evaluate, and become more self-aware.  We could become mindful of our thoughts and behaviour patterns, and gain a better understanding of our emotional and physical selves on these dark evenings before we enter into a real commitment to make the changes we really want. This is the first step in creating lasting change.

For one to one Skype coaching sessions contact Susan on susan@susanloveday.com or visit www.susanloveday.com for more information.

Seasons - Midwinter Resolutions

New Year is not the time to stop doing things; it’s a time to start doing new things, particularly if you live in the UK or anywhere else in the Northern hemisphere.  We are in the deepest midwinter with less than half the hours of daylight than we get in midsummer, so making life even harder than it already is seems daft to me. 

I say we should follow Mother Nature with her seasons and cycles of life and growth.  Animals go into hibernation, birds migrate and plants are dormant at this time of year.

In winter the trees are not dead, the sap slowly stops rising as the temperature drops, the leaves crisp and curl and the winter winds blow them away leaving the tree to rest, to regenerate, standing strong against the gales of the season.

Old bad habits need to be challenged, but every year resolutions are broken because it is the worst time of year for us to give up comfort.  Those of us in the Northern hemisphere know we still have to endure lack of daylight and sunshine for many weeks yet.  Why not choose to tackle your big challenges when life is a little easier, with the climate a little kinder?

You may even be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).  If you are not familiar with SAD check out www.SAD.org.uk which explains how lack of daylight and sunshine can affect us. It also offers ways to combat this feeling of winter blues.  It’s worth a look even if you are only mildly affected by the seasons.

A fresh start

The Calendar can be a useful tool to help us make new beginnings.  So instead of focusing on what to stop doing, find something that you have always wanted to do but never gotten round to.  Begin by writing a list of things you would like to be Be, Do or Have and keep going until you have exhausted every possibility.  Keep picking up the list over the course of a few days adding to it until you are satisfied.   Then prioritise your list and select the one thing you want the most.  Start with this one first.

Now the most important part, do make a start.  Don’t procrastinate, make your first step easy, but make a start.  Small steps done on a regular basis always bring great results.  If you need to gather more information, then start gathering.  If you want to take up art, pick up a pencil and start drawing.

If you are not sure about what you would like to do, here are some ideas to get your imagination going. 

Indoor Creative time

Reading, drawing, painting, performing arts, needlework, learning to play a musical instrument, collecting, cooking, baking, scrapbooking, dancing, jewellery making, singing, woodworking, photography, guided relaxation or yoga.

 If you have a smart phone then check out your apps store to give you more ideas and help get you started or surf the net to spark your enthusiasm.

Build into your life things that will help you grow and feel fulfilled.  That’s what we need to do in the New Year.  The good news is every day it is getting that little bit lighter.

For one to one Skype coaching sessions contact Susan on susan@susanloveday.com or visit susanloveday.com for more information.

Coaching - Life Choices

My mum had a breakdown in the late 60’s and I didn’t know how to help her.  I was fifteen at the time.  Mum was prescribed tranquillizers which led to years of drug dependency and an inability to cope with life.   She lost her self-confidence, self-belief and self-respect.  If only I’d known then, what I know now.

Coaching came to me later in life after mum suffered a stroke and lost all memory of her past.  She lost all the good stuff but thankfully has lost all the bad stuff that made her so unhappy, anxious and confused.  Now all she has is the present moment that I share with her and encourage a smile.

It’s too late for my mum, but not for the rest of us.  We have it within our grasp to challenge our lot.  To have a greater understanding of ourselves and to choose how we think and how we feel. I believe we all have a choice.



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